Want a second date? You better get through the first one… first.
Good luck… it is a jungle of bad behavior out there!
I recently took a (very non scientific) poll of friends and social media mates about “first date deal breakers” and it definitely stirred up a lot of passionate opinions. Apparently, we humans still have no idea how to successfully court a mate. No matter what sex we are or how old we are. A lot of us still lack common sense and knowledge of basic etiquette. Come one people… do you want to be single forever? Step it up a bit!
So, without further ado, here (in no specific order) are nine “No-No’s” – courtesy of all of you.
Talking About Your Ex – Good or Bad
Do I really need to explain this one? Guess so. This is a no-win situation. You say good things about the ex and it sounds like you’re comparing them to the date in front of you and maybe you still want to be with them. If you say bad things about the ex it sounds like you’re bitter and angry. Neither one has a good outcome. Don’t talk about how great the ass was on your last GF and she won’t talk about how well-endowed or loaded her last boyfriend was… seems like a fair deal.
Premature Use Of Terms Of Endearment
Babe, Lover, Sweet Cheeks… nicknames and pet names are great. They help you develop intimacy and give your relationship character. But they’re also sickening to other people and will scare off a first date faster than a visible cold sore if you whip them out over coffee. Keep the pillow talk monikers and kitten references for somewhere down the line… preferably way down the line!
Checking Out Other Women/Men
Again, do I really need to explain this one? Do you really need to be told this is bad? Limit your field of vision to the face, the menu, and the server. Trust me, your date noticed the knockout in the tight dress bending over to adjust her shoes… and she’ll be looking extra hard to see just how much you “noticed” as well!
Spending Time On Your Phone
I get it, your phone is often times much more interesting than your date but… PUT IT DOWN! It’s just common courtesy. Taking a call from the sitter is OK… checking in on social media, commenting on cat meme’s, and posting food pics to IG is not. Manners people… manners!
Making Crude Jokes – Dropping The “F Bomb” Non-Stop
I readily admit it, I have a mouth like a f* sailor, and I actually like that trait in myself but… I also know when to shut it and talk like a saint! Additionally, I love “blue” humor… and so do many women. But this is not the time or place. Start slow, make some light jokes, and sense the vibe. Eventually you’ll know if the other person is the right audience for your crude stories. Don’t lead with the off color stuff to feel your date out. Even if they find it funny, they probably won’t find your timing all that impressive.
Talking About Money
Either you’ve got lots of money, in which case talking about it will make you look arrogant. Or you’re penniless and talking about that will make you look pathetic. Either way, that is not the thing you want the date focused on. The right person won’t care if you’re loaded or broke… and if they do, they’re not the right person!
Correcting Little Things
Oh man, I hate bad grammar – H.A.T.E it. But, I have learned to keep my “I love English-101” mouth shut. Nobody likes a know-it-all. Even when you are right. Perfection is an illusion and trust me, there are just as many things that they could nit pick on you about as well. Keep things light and playful… there will be a time and place to teach the difference between your and you’re!
Being Too Confident
There’s confidence, then there’s arrogance. The former is attractive. It makes you seem comfortable in your skin and sure of who you are. The latter screams that you’re trying too hard and actually insecure. You don’t need to convince your date of how wonderful you are… they will figure it out soon enough, if you are in fact the “one!”
And Last But Not Least… Being Rude To The Wait Staff
Surprisingly (or maybe not) this one came up most often and it is absolutely one thing I cannot stand. No matter where you are, no matter what you’re doing, treat the service personnel well. End of story. These people are working hard to make your time enjoyable… and often for not much money. Forget doing it to impress a date, it’s just the right thing to do even if you’re alone. And I will add one other thing. I waited tables for a long time early in my career and every time some schmuck treated me like crap, I went out of my way to flirt with his date and make sure she liked me more than him. And believe me when I say, it often worked out very well for me and not so great for him!
Now… go forth and tackle the dating world armed with a little knowledge of how to get a second date. If you think of anything I missed, feel free to drop me a note. We can all use all the help we can get!